Tales From A Small Island....

Greetings and salutations from down south...and by that I mean Singapore. Those of you who have known me, grown up with me, and heard me bitch, will probably be wondering why I'm here on my own free will.

Well..let's take it from the beginning shall we?

It all started when I was informed that I MUST take a certain percentage of leave from work. This I'm told was to ensure that employees have a fair balance in their lives. Hmmm wonder if they took into account the extra hours I'll have to put in because of the pile of work that awaits me when I get back. :P

So somehow...I ended up putting myself down for about a weeks worth of leave starting the 16th.

With the leave scheduled, you'd think some sane person would have planned for something to do with that time. Well, yours truly decided like only a few days before hand to drive down alone to Singapore for a laugh. It was either that or just rot in KL.

At approximately 12 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, my journey began (after about an hour of car checks that my dad insisted on....and while my mum was still trying to sell me the idea of taking the bus down instead). I wouldn't say I drove fast...I probably didn't....but I was kind of surprised to hit Johor Bahru at around 3pm. And all that considering I had about half an hour to have my ciggy breaks....PLUS some immeasurable time stuck in a stupid crawl when some idiot decided to turn a 3 or 4 lane highway into a single lane.

After I hit Johor Bahru, and saw the onslaught of cars that were plying their way around town....mostly in the direction that pointed to Singapore....I decided to try out the new Second Link thing, so off I went out of town to some desolate place called Tuas.

Less cars, bigger roads....not a bad ride I was starting to think.....then I hit the Singaporean side of things.

First, when I got to the immigration bit and handed over my passport, the guy...some fat chinese guy with glasses...and a bad haircut looked at me like I was some sort of diseased animal that was about to explode and possibly ruin his afternoon. It seems that I haven't filled some form that was required and had like a million boxes.

I didn't mind...I just stopped there and happily filled out the form.....too bad for the line of about 50 cars that were stuck behind me though.....

Once the form was filled out...I handed it back to the guy and after he did his stampy stampy thing with my passport...I was on my way to customs. Whoops....before that I had to go buy some cash card thing that I needed to drive around Singapore with or they might blow up my car. Getting the card wasn't a problem....getting out of talking to the 2 elderly aunties who were selling them was. They couldn't help but talk about how I probably looked like their 2nd sister's brother-in-law's cousin's son. I luckily managed to bail out when some white guy with an Eastern European accent came along while she was in mid sentence, explaining to me the interesting things she's noticed about noodles.

With my spanking new cash card thing, I THEN got to customs...where they promptly got me to open up my car boot for some checks. I was attended to by a malay lady that was quite nice about it, while there were some kidss who think they're rambo standing around with assault rifles.

I'll be honest with you, I don't trust people with that 'i-am-so-tough' look in their eyes, AND especially when they're holding things that could take off my head (and hands, feet and anything else they deem appropriate to take off), at a 100 paces.

Lo and behold, the lady managed to extricate from the boot, a 5 foot bamboo stick that I use to scare the dog back into the house. And also just in case there's ever a need for a stick....which I can think of a few.

Well she asked what it was for, and I told her about the dog and stuff.... all the while, the 2 rambo wannabes were eyeing me up and probably choosing between themselves which bits to shoot. I could almost smell the gunpowder already.

Luckily....she put down the stick....closed the car boot.....and let me through. You should have seen the look of disappointment on G.I. Joe's face.

Weeeee....I was finally on Singaporean soil, and free to wreck havoc on this unsuspecting island state. First thing I did....rolled down the windows....and lit a ciggy to celebrate a good bumpless journey down.

Unfortunatly....I have no friggin clue about the Singaporean roadways.....and in due course...got lost.

BUT at least I got lost in style. I somehow managed to end up at the entry to Jurong Island....which is basically where they have their oil refinaries and such high security thingamajigs.

Well, they stopped me.....just like they did at immigrations....and at customs.....this time however, there were 2 machine guns pointed at my car engine. Ooooh...the drama....I was about to unknowingly invade and hold hostage Singapore's oil refinaries with an army of one....a dinky old Nissan Sentra....and a 5 foot long bamboo stick that my dog laughs at.

They questioned me on my 'destination' and being relatively tongue tied... trust me...you'd be too if you had machine guns pointed in your general direction.... I just said Jurong Bird Park....Well...that started with Jurong at least... :P

I got there....and promptly got my cousin to come to my rescue and direct me to safety....basically...where little boys won't be pointing guns at me.

That was 3 days ago... In that time, I've walked almost every single shopping mall there is, I've been to my bank's office here, I've gone to Zouk with my cousin and a friend and her 2 friends, I've had drinks and cute mini burgers with ex uni mates and most of all, I've had pleasant conversations and lovely company.

Tomorrow, I have no idea what's going to happen.... but I hope it'll be fun.

For you buggers back in the office who are reading this..... don't sulk...I got some of you stuff....useless stuff....but still stuff.. :P


PS> Worst bit is....ciggys cost like fecking S$11.40

PSS> I left a bloody trail of ciggy buts all along Orchard and back again.....hope the damn police don't follow it and get me for littering.

Fainting goats

They're called Fainting Goats, and as their name suggests, they faint when they're excited or startled.

Don't know how the stupid things managed to survive. Imagine...being chased down by something big and carnivorous wanting to eat you.....and you try and get away.....by fainting.


Try and explain THAT Darwin!

Would love one for a pet though.... heh heh